


Jade Harley: Supernatural Private Investigator

by Stripe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, F/F, F/M, Multi, Sirens, Vampires, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-31 12:50:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3978694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stripe/pseuds/Stripe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade Harley investigates supernatural creatures for a living. The last thing she expected was to fall for one of them, let alone three of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mustachioedoctopus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mustachioedoctopus/gifts).



> For the original prompt: 
> 
> "Jade is a cryptid investigator. She finds each of the other kids as monsters and falls in love with them, conflict arises when she thinks she has to pick one due to how modern media prioritizes couple fidelity and demonizes poly relationships."
> 
> This is a story about a murder mystery, but honestly the murder mystery is the least important part of the story by far.

The night air felt cold on her cheek, and the full moon illuminated the barn yard, casting everything in dim, blue light. Jade checked her watch for what must have been the fiftieth time that night, growing increasingly irritated. She had been on this stake out for a good four hours now, and there was still hide nor hair of anything unusual - if the farmer who had hired her hadn’t shown her the carnage of the chicken coop himself, she might have suspected that the man was making things up. Even still, she couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps he wasn’t trying to collect on insurance money. 

But if that were the case, his story was strange. Attacks the past two months, both exactly timed around the full moon? It’d be more straight forward to just accuse a fox and have it done with, not hire a private investigator to deal with it. 

Still, Jade was getting bored. If the culprit didn’t show themself soon, then she was about ready to leave. She looked down to her watch again - nearly two in the morning, past prime time for a wolf to be picking out their target. If there was nothing in the next thirty minutes, then she was high-tailing it out of there. She settled back, trying to relax, though ironically that was difficult when she was so _bored_.

However, just as she was beginning to settle in, Jade heard the snap of a twig and a low growl as something approached. She straightened up, back against the side of the chicken coop, gun at the ready as she squinted through the darkness. She could see a hunched over, lumbering shape approaching her along with some key features: a muzzle, a pair of pointed ears, and a fluffy tail, practically wagging behind it.

Definitely a werewolf, and it was definitely making a beeline for the chickens. With the identity of the beast confirmed, she stepped out from the side of the coop, gun at the ready. “Stop right there.”

The werewolf did stop, thankfully. But then it growled, and started going straight for her, hackles raised. Jade let out a huff. This one was either young or remarkably stupid. Without a moment of hesitation, she fired.

The beast went down as soon as it was hit, slumping to the ground with a high-pitched whine. Jade waited for just a few moments to make sure that it was in fact down, gun still trained on the furry mass on the ground in case one shot wasn’t enough - some wolves had developed a resistance to tranquilizers. Seconds ticked by, and a low, grumbling sound started to emanate from the body. 

Jade couldn’t help but smile. He was snoring.

She returned her gun to the sling across her back as she walked over, kneeling down next to the monster. He was interesting, for a werewolf - pale fur, and remarkably few scars. She was willing to bet that he was newly transformed and probably not used to controlling his new form. It was a best case scenario, honestly - new werewolves could be taught better. This dispute would hopefully resolve peacefully.

“Come on, you big lug,” she said fondly, lifting the werewolf up on her shoulders. He was heavy, but she was strong enough that it wasn't a problem. “Let’s get you some place safe for the night.”

She didn’t want to risk having the werewolf wake up next to her in the middle of the ride back to her office, so Jade tossed him into the back of her pickup truck for safe-keeping. If it were bright daylight, she might have gotten in trouble for putting him back there, but at this time of night, she doubted anybody would notice. Besides, if it were daytime, she wouldn’t be having this problem in the first place. She made sure that he was tied down before she back into the driver’s seat and driving back to the office.

The drive back was peaceful - few people were out this late on a Wednesday night, meaning that she had the road all to herself. She rolled down the windows to let in some fresh air, only checking back occasionally to make sure that her passenger stayed put. Thankfully, the werewolf slept like a baby.

It was a simple matter, moving him when she got back. Her “office” was a small, discreet brick building, and she had rented out the entire bottom floor. The top floor housed a bunch of real estate offices, but given that Jade did most of her work at night, she rarely ever saw the people who worked there.

Now, this worked to her advantage. There was nobody around to question her as she dragged a huge wolf man through the front door and down the hallway. Nor was there anybody to question the fact that she had modified an office to have a steel door so that she could safely keep things like unconscious werewolves contained. 

This was where the werewolf went, to be locked up until morning when he could properly speak English again.

Once the door was properly locked, Jade continued down the hallway to her office, just two doors down. She took just a moment to admire the plaque up on the door - “Jade Harley,” it read. “Paranormal P.I.” Her partner’s plaque was on the opposite side of the hall, technically in front of his office, but he rarely spent any time in there. For one, Jade had laid claim to most of their comfortable furniture when they had moved in about a year and a half ago. Her partner had also used his office as the testing ground for prank ideas one too many times, leaving it dangerous to even open the door. Generally speaking, nobody stepped foot in there unless they had to.

Which was why she was not all too surprised to see John Egbert fast asleep on her couch as she walked in, about halfway to rolling off the edge, mouth wide open as he snored louder than a freight train. Jade smiled fondly, though she couldn’t help a bit of guilt every time she saw his teeth - crooked as ever, but now sporting a pair of sharp canines. 

Jade and John had known each other since elementary school; one day on the playground, John had offered to trade his pretty green skirt out for Jade’s cargo shorts, and the two of them had been inseparable ever since. They traded Pokemon cards in middle school, threw notes at each other from across the class in high school, and gotten top surgery together the summer before they went to college. It was only natural that, when Jade wanted to open up her own private investigating firm, she turned to her best friend. 

Unfortunately, while Jade was still under the firm belief that most “monsters” were just misunderstood people who needed a bit of practice controlling their urges, there were a few bad apples in the bunch, and John had come on the wrong side of a vampire coven a couple of weeks ago. He claimed that being a vampire was actually kind of cool, in some ways, since he was now (in his words) “essentially some sort of superman” due to the enhanced speed and strength.

Still, Jade couldn’t help but feel that if she had been just a minute earlier…

She shook her head to clear herself of those thoughts. She had already established that they wouldn’t get her anywhere! Instead, she placed a hand on John’s shoulder and shook him awake.

“Come on, sleepy head!” she chimed, voice in a sing song. “I’m back! It’s time to wake up!”

John groaned and squinted at the digital clock she kept in the office. “It’s two in the morning Jade. It is _not_ time to get up.”

“You are correct. You should already be up! We are paranormal investigators, John. At least eighty percent of paranormal creatures prefer activity at night!” A pause. “Besides, you’re a vampire now. Aren’t you supposed to be a little… nocturnal?”

John yawned, showing off the new fangs once again. “Maybe I’m just a vampire in a different timezone. Like… Japan or something. I bet it’s daytime in Japan right now.” He readjusted his glasses and slapped his face a couple of times to wake up. Jade laughed.

“Whatever you say, John.” She took a seat behind her desk and took a moment to check off “investigate the chicken coop” from her “to do” list. Remaining items were “look up garlic-free recipes” and “take pills” - both things to do at home.

John walked one pace around the room before finally coming to settle down in the arm chair in front of Jade’s desk. It was usually reserved for clients, but when nobody else was around, there was no reason for John not not take it.

“So how did the chicken coop mystery go?” he asked. “Werewolf?”

“Werewolf,” Jade confirmed, idly examining her nails. The green paint was starting to chip off - she’d need to redo them soon. “I think it’s somebody new to the transformation - they didn’t seem to have much control over their actions. I put them in the holding cell for now. Hopefully we’ll be able to talk in the morning!”

“That’s cool.” John leaned back in the chair, arms folded behind his head. “Oh yeah, while you were out, some lady came in. She has a case she wants us to look into.”

Jade’s looked up from her nails, eyebrows raised. “Really? What sort of case?”

“She uh.” John wobbled in the chair, barely managing to catch himself from falling over backwards. He leaned forward instead, trying to act as though nothing had happened. “She runs a club. Like, not the ones where people go to grind on each other and listen to dubstep, but one of those fancy ones that tries to feel like an old-timey gangster movie. It’s really high class, super fancy, and she hired this siren to sing. Sort of a specialty thing, I guess? But now some of her guests have started turning up dead…” He shook his head. “She says she doesn’t have proof yet, but she’s sure the siren did it.”

Jade tapped on her chin. She didn’t like walking into situations assuming that the monster was at fault, but this case did sound fairly cut and dry... “Did you take down the address?”

“Yeah. I wrote it down, right there.” He made a gesture to a sheet of paper on Jade’s desk, and she picked it up, squinting at his scrawled handwriting. 

“Snowman?” she read out loud.

“Yeah, that was the name the lady gave for herself. I thought it was kind of weird, but rich people can be weird like that sometimes, you know?” He shrugged. “Maybe something about anonymity.” 

“Might be,” Jade agreed, and she made a note on tomorrow’s “to-do” post-it note. “Well, I’ll look into it tomorrow! In the meantime, I think it is time for a nap!”

John pulled a face at her. “Wait, so you come and wake me up, just so you can go back to sleep?”

“I am not a vampire, John. I am a human! This is when I am supposed to be asleep.” She stood up and took his place on the couch in her office, smiling sweetly at him. All she got in return was his incredulous expression.

“What happened to all that stuff about how we’re supposed to be paranormal investigators then?”

“Well, if you find anything else to investigate, feel free to wake me up!” She stretched out with a happy sigh. “But for now, I’m going to sleep. Dragging werewolves around is tiring, you know! Good night John.”

Jade closed her eyes, but not before she caught the bemused smile on John’s face. “Good night, Jade.”

\----

John woke Jade right before sunrise by violently shaking her shoulder, with an expression of hardened determination. When Jade glared at him, he simply responded - “Yeah, it’s not as fun when it’s happening to you, is it? Anyways, I think your werewolf is going to wake up soon. I’ve got to go, though, before it gets too bright outside.”

Jade yawned and waved him off, brushing a hand through her long hair to try and look somewhat presentable. It wouldn’t do to greet her guest looking unprofessional, after all!

She stood and peered out the window, watching John return to his car with his hood pulled up. From there, she did a few basic stretches, wanting to be warmed up. As far as her guest was concerned, he had gone to bed and woken up in a reinforced steel room. There was no telling what he would do about it, so it paid to be prepared.

Jade hummed a little, stopping by a supply closet on her way to the holding cell, grabbing a T-shirt and a pair of pajama pants. It was useful to keep these on hand, she had noticed - oftentimes, when people with monstrous transformations turned back to normal, they did so very nude. It was easier to sit down and talk with them when they were more comfortable and not trying to cover up, so Jade came in prepared.

She was slow about opening the door, careful, not wanting to scare whoever was inside. “Hello?” she called out, her voice light, gentle. “Are you awake?”

“Why the holy flipping fuck am I in a padded room,” came the response. “Did Bro set this up? Am I on camera now? What the fuck happened to my clothes, who the fuck just takes clothes off of a person, like how twisted do you even have to _be_ -”

Well, that was an answer to her question, sure enough. Jade tossed the clothes in at the guest without looking, wanting to afford him some privacy. “I brought you clothes,” she explained, speaking over a bit more panicked rambling. “It’s sort of a long story, and I figure you’ll want some cover while I talk to you, so go ahead and change into them. Those are both mediums - just let me know if you need another size!”

“Nah, these will do,” the werewolf said, and Jade listened to the rustling of clothes, until finally - “OK, I’m decent.”

Jade walked in, taking in the person in front of her, sitting on the ground in the clothes she had offered. The first thing she noticed was that the werewolf was practically swimming in the clothes she had provided, short sleeves down past his elbows. “Are you sure you don’t want a small?” Jade asked, bemused. “My name is Jade, by the way!”

“Dave,” the werewolf said, nodding his head slightly. “And no. I am one hundred percent normal size. These fit. I’m fine. So care to explain why I’m in this room and why I’m covered in. Feathers?” He looked down at the ground; some of the chicken down must have gotten caught in his fur when he had hit the ground in front of the chicken coop.

Jade sat down in front of him, wanting to be on the same level as him for this conversation. It wouldn’t do to have her lording over him. “Well… how much do you know about supernaturals?”

“Uh. My Bro claims he saw a centaur once. That’s about it.” He squinted at her. “Don’t. Don’t tell me this is some illuminati shit. Like, supernatural things have been under our noses the whole time and everyone just keeps their mouths shut?”

Jade laughed. “Well, I’m not sure about that! Things have been pretty out in the open in recent years! Didn’t you hear about the coven of vampires that went on the talk show circuit a couple of years ago?”

He gave her a blank look. “Wait. Those were actual vampires? I thought they were just some hyped up goth kids and that everyone was in on the joke.”

Jade’s eyebrows raised. “What about the recent controversy? About the mermaid they kept in the aquarium?”

“Wasn’t that just a person in a costume?” he asked. “Wasn’t that the controversy?”

“No! It was over agency and- anyways that’s not the point! What about all of the presidents? Who turned out to be nagas in disguise?”

“You mean snake people? Well yeah, I always knew there was something sneaky about those bastards.”

Jade couldn’t help but laugh, hiding her grin behind her hand. “And the dragon fossils they’ve been unearthing recently?”

“Just cool new dinosaurs, right?”

Jade shook her head. “Anyways, that is beside the point! The point is that you, Dave, are… a werewolf!”

He stared at her long and hard, squinting. Jade couldn’t help but notice how red his eyes were, and found herself wondering vaguely if they were like that before the transformation, or if they were new. Finally, he spoke. “You’re shitting me. You are absolutely shitting me.”

“I am not shitting you! You have been getting into a farmer’s chicken coop for the past two full moons - he finally came to me to ask for help!”

“OK, but. Wouldn’t I remember turning into a giant furry creature once a month?”

Jade rolled her eyes. “Have you ever seen a werewolf movie? I mean- OK, most of them are very inaccurate. But until you learn to control yourself, your memory gets totally wiped!” 

“So I can learn to control it?” 

“You can! You can even begin to transform outside of the full moon once you get the hang of it.” She smiled at him, trying to be encouraging. It was usually rough for people, finding out they were no longer fully human. 

Dave seemed surprisingly in control of his emotions. “OK. How do I do that?”

“Well, there’s some meditation exercises, for one, and I think that staring at the moon is supposed to help?” Jade shrugged. “I mean, I’m only a human myself. But I bet you could look it up on the internet!”

Dave’s hands fell to his hip, as though he were reaching for a phone - but he quickly realized there was nothing there. “Yeah. About that. Am I stuck in quarantine now. Like, is this where I live from now on.”

“Of course not. I just wanted to make sure you were OK for tonight. I can drive you home whenever you’re ready.”

Dave let out a shaky sigh and nodded, and it occurred to Jade that maybe he was a little more scared than he let on. “Yeah. Let’s head out.”

Dave’s place wasn’t too far away - only about fifteen minutes from the office - and the two of them talked the entire way there. For the most part, Dave avoided the topic of his lycanthropy, instead rambling about every other aspect of his life - how he was in grad school, studying evolutionary biology, how he ran like twenty different blogs and how she should look all of them up, except for his art blog because that was the embarrassing one, how his brother still had a tendency to drop by at random even though he lived several states away. Jade was laughing by the time she pulled up to his apartment complex, because he had a way of twisting every description into some ridiculous metaphor. The habit was almost endearing.

“So,” he said, unbuckling his seatbelt. “Do you have like. A business card or something. You know, so I can call you back. Return these fine pieces of clothing.” He plucked at the shirt he was wearing, which looked only more ridiculous on him in the light of day. 

“Oh, of course!” Jade reached for her wallet, then handed him one of the business cards she kept tucked inside. Dave looked it over, as though appraising it.

“This number here. It’s a land line, or…?”

“It’s my cell phone! We aren’t a very big business and I think it’s easier to let clients reach me whenever they want to.”

He nodded. “So. If I texted you about, like. Were- furry shit. You could text back and give me advice?”

Jade grinned and nodded back. “Absolutely! My client is technically the farmer, but making sure you don’t attack his chickens again is part of my job!”

Dave cleared his throat. “So. Just, you know. Hypothetically speaking. If I wanted to talk about this with you over coffee…?”

Jade wasn’t dumb, and she knew exactly what he was implying - it was flattering, certainly, and he was cute. “Well, then I think that, hypothetically, I would take you up on that offer!”

A grin crossed his face, and _wow_ he had a cute smile. “OK. Awesome. So… see you around then?”

“See you around!”


	2. Part 2

Jade double-checked the address as she walked up to the nightclub, dressed in her best detective get-up - a long trenchcoat with a nice button up blouse and pencil skirt underneath. Her hair was done back into a braid, and around her neck, she had a set of noise cancelling headphones that she had developed herself. She could still hear every word that was spoken, but any sort of magic would be entirely filtered out - just what she needed to face a siren.

She started her investigation by acting like a normal patron, checking in at the door. Evidently, the place required reservations, but as soon as Jade stated her name and business, the doorman let her right in. It seemed that the owner was expecting her, which made her job much easier.

The interior was very nice, kept to a dim mood lighting while some jazz played softly over the speakers. A group of tables were arranged in front of a stage, raised up higher than usual, though right now there was nobody performing. Evidently, the siren’s show hadn’t started yet. 

Jade settled in at a table by herself, pulling out a notepad and making sure her headphones were on the right setting. She also took a moment to note the patrons - mostly men, dressed to the nines, though she got an uneasy feeling from most of them. It made some amount of sense - most well-adjusted people didn’t pay money to hear a song that was guaranteed to make them obsessed with the singer. In a way, it was almost like a drug.

At the very least, it did explain why the stage was so very high up. It was a protective measure - probably for the men as much as the siren. Jade took a few notes down about the atmosphere and patrons before the lights dimmed, and a beautiful woman walked across the stage. Jade quickly put on her headphones, turning them on. It wouldn’t do if the siren charmed her out of thinking logically.

With her safety measures in place, Jade took a moment to size up her primary suspect. She was dressed in a pale, shimmering evening gown that fell to the floor, with matching heels that added at least a few inches more to her height. Her blonde hair was short, held into place by a headband, and her lips were painted a deep, deep red. Jade felt her cheeks heating - even without the magic of her voice, she was sure the woman would have had men throwing themselves at her on a regular basis.

She stepped up to the mic and tapped it twice to check if it was on. That secured, a smile stretched across her face, and she slipped into her stage persona. “It’s wonderful to see all of you out here tonight,” she said, taking the mic from its stand and walking across the stage. With each step, just a small, tantalizing bit of leg was shown. Even with the earphones on, her voice sounded enticing - it was no surprise that many of the customers were already cheering and hooting. “I’ve got a special show prepared tonight. I certainly hope that all of you are prepared.”

More hoots and hollars. Jade shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

“Then let’s begin,” the siren said. She began to sing. 

Even with the earphones on, her voice sounded heavenly, and Jade felt like she could melt away in it - but she maintained enough clarity of mind to keep her eye on the entire situation, and she forced herself to take in the rest of the room. Already, some men were up and out of their seats, clawing at the stage to try and get at her. The siren just smiled, almost smug, and continued singing as though the commotion happening beneath her was off in another world entirely. 

Her set list wasn’t very long, which Jade figured was probably for the safety of the patrons more than anything. A fist fight broke out in the middle of the third song, and only stopped when the final notes trailed off through the microphone. 

“Well, I’m afraid that’s all I have for tonight,” the siren said, winking. Jade wasn’t sure if she was imagining things, but she couldn’t help but feel as though that wink was directed at her. “But drop by some other time, and I’d love to sing for you again.” With that, she sashayed off the stage, leaving behind an audience begging for an encore. 

Eventually, the place settled down as the magic wore off, and everybody returned to their seats. Jade continued drawing up notes, trying to figure out possible motives for murder. Of course, sirens in the past had sung to lure men to their deaths, but they weren’t cannibalistic, so they didn't have an intrinsic need to do so. Nor did they kill the men themselves - usually, the rocks surrounding their position crashed the ships for them. There were some irregularities to take into account. 

Jade was in the middle of scribbling down another theory when somebody gently tapped her on the shoulder. She let out a quick squeak of surprise before spinning around to find herself face to face with an older woman. She was sharply dressed in a suit, a dark, wide-brimmed hat completing the look. “Ms. Harley?” she asked. 

“That’s me! And you must be… Snowman?”

The woman’s lips quirked. “That’s right. I thought you might like to speak to your… suspect. She’s back in the dressing room. I can take you there, if you like.”

“Yes please!” Jade replied, standing up and straightening out her clothes. It was more than a little intimidating to think that she would soon be talking to the gorgeous woman who had been on stage just a few moments ago - even if she was dressed nicely, she was far from wearing an evening gown. 

Snowman lead her through a small, inconspicuous door off to the side of the stage, leading Jade down a dim hallway until she reached a door with the name “Rose Lalonde.” 

“You should be safe speaking with her alone,” Snowman said, rapping at the door. “But I suppose if not… well, at least then we’ll have some concrete evidence, won’t we?”

Jade gave her a wry smile a moment before the door cracked open.

“What is it?” came the voice from the other side, sharp, irritated - Rose, presumably. Though Jade recognized it as the same voice from the stage show, it was hardly the smooth, sensual persona she had exuded on stage. 

“I have a visitor for you. She wants to ask you a couple of questions.”

Rose stuck her head out, eyebrows raised. “‘She’?” she repeated. “Why didn’t you say so? Please, send her in.”

Jade laughed, mostly out of surprise, and was ushered into the dressing room. It wasn’t large, but it was certainly comfortable enough for two people. A clothes rack off to the side held a variety of different, sparkling dresses, with a full-length mirror nearby. Rose herself was still dressed in the gown from the performance, and Jade was now intimately familiar with the feeling of having her breath taken away. 

Rose gestured to a seat, off to the side of the room, near the dresses. “Please, sit,” she said. “And you needn’t mess with the headphones. They don’t stop my voice from having an effect, if I want it to.”

Jade took the offered seat, but didn’t take off the headphones. “These are specially made,” she explained, watching as Rose took the seat in front of her mirror. “No magic can get through.”

The siren checked her reflection, brushing a few flyaway hairs, before she turned her attention back on Jade. “A pity, then. I shall have to find some other way to woo you.” She winked and then, for good measure, waggled her eyebrows. Jade hid a grin behind her hand.

“Well, I am not here to be wooed, actually,” she said. “I’m here to ask about some of the recent murders. They were all patrons of yours, so-”

“Oh.” Rose’s face immediately fell, her flirty smile vanishing in favor of a small frown. “You’re an investigator then?”

“Yes. I don’t usually do murder cases, admittedly, but due to your… specialty, it seemed appropriate for me to take a look.” 

“Well.” Rose sat back in her chair, crossing her legs. “I will tell you that I did not do it, nor was I involved in any way. I was as shocked as anybody when those men turned up dead.”

“But they were patrons of yours,” Jade confirmed.

“Yes. And loud ones. I won’t lie and say that I was saddened to hear they had passed. I appreciate the money I get from this job, but it does get… tiresome to have men clamoring over you on a day to day basis. But I assure you, I did not kill them.” She tilts her chin up, her face an expression of cool disdain. “If I had, nobody would have found the bodies. I am not so sloppy.”

A shiver ran up Jade’s spine, though she feared she found it more exhilarating than she should have. “Then… do you know who might have done it?” she asked. “Because it’s an awfully big coincidence that a bunch of your fans mysteriously die shortly after you start working here.”

Rose shrugged. “I haven’t the faintest idea. I don’t know anything about those men, other than their proclivities toward being seduced by song, and some of the rather vulgar comments they shouted at me. Past that, I’m clueless. Perhaps they were linked to the mob?” 

Jade pursed her lips. “Maybe. Well, I am not convinced either way, yet! But I will be sending an operative to keep an eye on you.” Her phone buzzed in her coat pocket, indicating a text, but she ignored it.

The siren’s lips quirked. “Hm. And will I be able to identify them based on those headphones of yours?”

“Of course! I couldn’t send in my best man unprepared!” Her only man, honestly, but Rose didn’t need to know how small Jade’s business was. She might as well act like it was a huge company while she still could...

Her stomach sank when she realized that she was actively trying to impress the siren. She needed to check on those headphones before passing them off to John. Her phone buzzed again.

“Well, then, I intend to help your best man with the investigation in any way I can,” Rose said, lips curling into a proper smile. “It can only help clear my name, after all.”

Jade nodded and stood. “I can only hope it does!” she said. “It was nice meeting you, Ms. Lalonde.”

“Please, just Rose,” she said, rising as well. “And believe me, the pleasure is all mine.”

Jade left the club in short order, figuring that there wouldn’t be much more for her there. After all, none of the murders actually occurred there. Though honestly, Jade wasn’t much of an expert on actual crime scenes in the first place, nor would she probably be allowed into one. She would just have to work the supernatural angle of this case until it ran dry.

Once she was out, she finally decided to check her phone, finding that all of her text messages came from the same person - Dave Strider. She giggled as she scrolled through them all. Dave was a funny guy, who made a lot of funny jokes - and he was already excelling at werewolf puns! The last text, however, finally had what she was looking for. 

“so ignore all that furry stuff akwete purrmusk can live to see another day the big thing here is  
i found this coffee shop literally a stones throw from my apartment its real cute just like you and its got all kinds of drinks  
like do you want hot chocolate? they got it  
iced mocha frap? they got it  
literal human shit distilled into a smoothie with milk and sugar added? ok i hope they dont got that but if you asked they might add it to the menu  
anyways the point is im planning on being there this thursday around four  
do you want to go?”

Despite the shit smoothie, Jade had no hesitations about how to answer. Her fingers flew across her phone keyboard as she walked back to her car.

“dave that smoothie sounds gross  
but yes!!! definitely! <3  
i will set an alarm to make sure i wake up in time and everything!”

“oh yeah nocturnal  
well  
see you thursday?”

“see you thursday!!!!”

\----

Thursday arrived, and Jade dug through her wardrobe to find the perfect thing to wear for her date. The absolute cutest thing she could find was a green sun dress with little dogs and bones printed on it - it was perfect. She was sure that Dave would appreciate the dog motif - they were basically just cuter and more huggable wolves!

The coffee shop wasn’t hard to find, and she wasn’t surprised to see Dave already there, checking his phone while his foot bounced beneath the table. She grinned and took the seat across from him. 

“Hi Dave!”

He looked up, tilting his shades down so that he could get a look at her. The shades were new, she thought, before remembering that the only time she had ever really seen him before was post-transformation. Of course he wouldn’t have had shades then - even if the thought of a werewolf with sunglasses made her giggle a little.

“Hey. You look nice.” He glanced down briefly before returning his attention to her face. “I like the dress - real cute.”

“Thank you! You look nice, too.” She cocked her head to the side. “Are the sunglasses a usual thing?”

“Yeah. Sort’ve. People get freaked out by the eyes sometimes. Think I’m a demon or something.” A pause, and he scrunched up his nose. “Wait, are demons real? Since it seems like every other fucking thing is now.” 

“By some peoples’ definitions, all monsters are demons,” Jade said with a shrug. “But only some of the ‘demon’ demons are real, and some of them go by different names… For instance, succubi are most definitely a thing! And they are dangerous! They don't just seduce people, though that's part of it. They can almost control people with their charm speak! But I think that they may be biologically similar to things like sirens.” A mental image of Rose flashed through her mind, and Jade was glad her skin was not nearly as pale as Dave’s - it hid her blushing.

He squinted at her. “There’s monster biology?”

“It’s not yet a well-explored subject. So many supernaturals are long-lived, so it makes it hard to do an autopsy, and it’s hard to perform ethical experiments while they are alive…” Jade shrugged. It was a touchy subject, and not exactly first date material. “Anyways, I like your eyes! I think they are pretty.”

Dave glanced away, an obvious blush rising to his cheeks. “Oh. Yeah. Thanks. Yours are pretty rocking too.”

Jade smiled so wide that she could feel the ache in her cheeks. “Thank you! So what have you been up to today?”

“Setting up fly crosses in the lab. Trying to breed some freaky mutants with like sixteen wings. Getting them ready to join the fly X-men.” Dave tried to keep a straight face as he spoke, but there was a small tugging on his lips that indicated he found his own joke hilarious. “What’ve you been up to?”

“Well, yesterday I helped a selkie get her coat back,” Jade explained. “She was very grateful! And… believe it or not, I am actually working on a murder mystery!”

Dave’s eyebrows shot up, and he leaned forward just a bit. “Murder mystery? That sounds cool as shit. Who got murdered? Ex-president? Barack’s OK, right?”

Jade laughed, hiding her buck teeth behind her hand. “As far as I know, Obama is OK! And actually, it’s multiple murders. Nobody that important as far as I know, but they all went to this club where a siren has been known to sing. And all of the murders started soon after she started working there!”

“Sounds like a pretty easy case there,” Dave said. “Like, sirens are sort of known for killing dudes, aren’t they?”

“Yes, but most supernaturals are known for killing people because they are used in stories to scare kids! And anyways, she said that she didn’t do it.”

“Oh. Yeah, so of course she’s innocent. People never lie.”

Jade rolled her eyes. “I’m not saying she’s telling the truth! But the way she talked… wasn’t really like somebody trying to defend herself? If anything, she was offended that I would assume the murders were hers because they were so sloppy.”

“So. She may have a body count. Just not these bodies.”

“Exactly!” Jade slapped her palm on the table for emphasis, though she backed off when she saw Dave grinning at her. 

“So what’s the plan then?” Dave asked. “Do you get to investigate the crime scenes?”

“No. I’m not authorized to look at them, and besides, I think the cops already cleaned them all up.” She let out a sigh. “I have my partner tailing her for a while, but she also knows that he’s there, so even if she is guilty, I don’t think she will do anything!”

“Well. At least if another body turns up, you can give her an alibi, yeah?” 

“Yeah!”

Dave cleared his throat. “And. When you say partner, are we talking like business partner, matrimonial partner, what’s the deal there?”

Jade laughed - he was far too transparent. “Business partner! But he’s also my best friend. We’ve known each other forever, more or less!”

“Oh. That’s cool. And is he anything cool, or just a human like you?” 

“He’s a vampire.” Jade rubs the back of her neck, suddenly not able to look directly at Dave. “It’s a pretty new thing, though. I think he turned about three weeks ago?”

“Huh. So I’ve been a monster for longer than he has.”

“Yeah.” Seeing an easy topic shift, Jade looks up again. “How has that been going, by the way? Your werewolf thing.”

“Well, since you asked…”

The conversation meandered from there. Dave was still working on transforming on command, though he could apparently make his hands get really furry if he thought hard enough about it. From there, they went to movies, webcomics, music (Dave insisted that Jade send him a track of her playing bass sometime), and finally finished on the topic of their first fictional crush. Jade had to admit that she had wanted to date a fictional Squid - Dave got off much easier by admitting he really liked Wanda from the Magic School Bus. 

Jade liked him. There was absolutely no doubt about that. He was cute and funny, and maybe just a bit of an oddball, but that just made her like him even more. Which was why, when it was time to say their goodbyes at the end, Jade kissed him. It wasn’t a long kiss - hardly more than a brief peck on the lips in all honesty - but when she pulled away, Dave looked as though he had seen a literal angel.

“So,” Jade said, winking at him and grinning ear to ear. “We can do this again sometime soon, I hope?”

“Woah. Yeah. Definitely. I mean, you got my digits. We’ll sort something out.”

From there, it was time to check into the office. Jade was still smiling by the time she pulled up and walked into her office, an extra skip in her step. It had been a while since she had such a good date! 

She waltzed over to her desk just as John popped his head in, the magic-cancelling earphones around his neck. “Hey, Jade. You look happy! Did you get a puppy or something?”

Jade spun around to grin at him too. “No! Well... actually, maybe a little bit. Remember that werewolf from a few days ago?”

“The one who missed the monster memo? Yeah, I remember.”

“Well… we went on a date!” 

“Oh!” There was something strange in John’s facial expression, even though he was smiling at her. Jade felt an odd sort of guilt beginning to brew in her stomach. “Well… that’s great! Are you going to see him again?”

“I think so!” Jade sits down at her desk, sorting through the papers scattered there. “And I think you would like him, too. He’s very funny!” Her hand stopped over one, written in blue ink with John’s handwriting. “You’re going out to tail Rose soon?” she asked. “How is that going?”

“Good!” he said. “She’s nice.”

Jade raised an eyebrow. “Nice? This was just a reconnaissance mission. You weren’t supposed to talk to her!”

John offered a sheepish smile. “Well… she sort of came to talk to me first! The headphones are pretty obvious, you know.”

“There’s a lot of high-tech stuff in there!” Jade said in her defense. “I couldn’t make them any smaller. You’ve kept them on, though, right?”

John let out an exasperated sigh, leaning against the door frame. “No, Jade, I am a complete idiot.” He waited a moment to let the sarcasm sink in before he continued. “Of course I kept them on! Believe it or not, I do actually know what to do around monsters.”

Jade twirled some hair around her fingers. “I know, I know! I am not doubting you. I just wanted to double check...”

“Jade, if this is about the vampire thing-”

“It is _not_ about the vampire thing!” 

Both of them fell silent, such that Jade could only hear the sound of her own heart beating. She was willing to bet that John could hear it, too. Vampires were typically tuned in to that kind of thing. 

“I know you know what to do,” she continued, though her brain supplied her with images of John lying on the floor, pale, blood oozing from his neck. “I just want to make sure you’re safe. You are very important, after all, and we cannot afford to have you compromised!”

“If you say so.” John straightened up and tossed on a wide-brimmed hat to protect him from getting burned by any sunlight that might still be out and about. “Anyways, I should get going. It’s rude to keep a lady waiting!”

“I look forward to reading the reports!” Jade said, throwing on a smile again and watching as he walked out the door. As soon as she was sure he was gone, she let her expression fall flat.

It seemed that, as usual, her feelings refused to be easy to sort out.


	3. Part 3

Jade let out a huff as she fiddled with a few of the rubber bands on her finger. She had let John go out to deal with the harpy nest they had found on top of the skyscraper. She had wanted to go herself, to break up the tedium of sitting around behind a desk all day, but John had insisted that he was better at dealing with heights, and besides, Jade _always_ took the fun cases. So he had donned his sun hat and gone out for negotiations while Jade was forced to sit around in her office and try to find work for herself. 

It had been a good hour, the sun just starting to sink low enough to paint the sky orange, when she heard the clicking of heels down the hallway. Jade straightened up, eyes bright. A customer! She quickly smoothed out her hair and straightened out her top, not wanting to appear disheveled in front of somebody who was about to pay her money. 

A sharply dressed young woman stepped into her office, but before Jade could even begin to introduce herself, she recognized that young woman as Rose. She was dressed down from the evening gown that Jade had last seen her in, opting instead for a nicely tailored suit, but she was no less gorgeous. She walked in without pretense and sat down in the chair opposite Jade, setting down a folder in front of her. Jade felt her heart skip a beat.

“Miss Harley,” she greeted. “You remember me, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course! You’re the-” Siren accused of murder maybe wasn’t the best thing to say. “You’re Rose, aren’t you?” 

Rose smiled at that, her lips black today instead of red. “Yes, that’s me. Your assistant is charming, by the way. And a vampire no less - I had assumed you would harbor a prejudice against us non-humans. I’m pleased to see I was mistaken.” 

“John? Oh, he’s not my assistant. We’re partners!”

The siren cocked an eyebrow. “As in business partners, or romantic partners?”

Jade tried not to look embarrassed - she really needed to stop using such a vague term. “Business partners, sorry!”

A pleased expression crossed Rose’s face. “Well. Forgive me if I say that’s something of a relief to hear.” Jade’s heart kicked up a notch, and she felt her face go hot. Was Rose using charm speak on her? Surely she had to be. 

“But this is beside the point,” Rose continued. “I’ve compiled a list of evidence, proving that I cannot be the murderer you’re looking for. Alibis for four of the six murders in question - ticket stubs, receipts.” Jade opened the folder and found just as she said - a pair of train tickets, round trip. Receipts from various department stores, and one movie ticket. If they were legitimate, then she wouldn’t have had the chance to commit most of the murders, freeing her from most suspicion. 

Rose straightened up as Jade looked through the various pieces of her alibi, perfecting her posture. “If you doubt whether or not I was the one who actually used those, feel free to check in with the employees on call that day. They’ll remember me - I tend to leave something of an impression, I suppose you could say.” 

Jade looked up at her for just a moment, and found her cheeks aflame. “Somehow, I’m not too surprised!” 

Rose smiled. “Why, thank you. But what do you think? Are your suspicions of me properly cleared? As charming as John is, it is a little demeaning to have somebody watching me constantly to make sure I’m not off committing some sort of horrendous crime.”

Jade hummed to herself, doing her best to sort through the charm speak. Of course, she didn’t want to think that Rose was guilty, but she knew that this was probably a result of the siren’s magical voice doing its work on her. So it was just a matter of sorting out whether or not the evidence was compelling or not…

If Jade was being honest with herself, it wasn’t like she could do much to verify the evidence here. She would indeed need to go speak to the employees that Rose had mentioned, and even then, there was no assurance that Rose hadn’t done anything to tip them off, perhaps wove a song to convince them to do her bidding. But if she was going to do that, wouldn’t she had created an alibi for all of the murders?

Jade scratched her head, looking at the tickets and receipts. They looked properly crumpled up, as though they had been hastily fetched from a trashcan or the bottom of a purse. Easy enough to replicate, of course, but to go out of her way to do this? It was possible, but surely if she was forging evidence, she could have gone a much simpler and more effective route…

God, this would be so much easier to sort through if she wasn’t using her siren powers! If anything, that was what made her most suspicious! Jade looked up at Rose, frowning at how pretty and perfect she looked, sitting across from her. “Could you stop it with your siren attraction magic?” she asked. “I am trying to think here!’

Rose’s eyebrows shot up in a look of surprise that took her a second too long to mask. “Excuse me? My- siren attraction magic?”

“Yeah! You know, charm speak? That’s something sirens can do, right?”

Rose tilted her head to the side, narrowing her eyes slightly. “Ms. Harley, have you dealt much with sirens in the past?” she asked.

“Well… no. But you can charm people with your voice.”

“With my _singing_ voice, yes. Not my speaking voice. Not to mention that I have been sitting here silently in front of you for the past couple of minutes. As far as magic goes, I have done nothing that you yourself could not have done.” A brief pause, and her lips curled into a smirk. “Though whatever is going through your head that has you thinking I am trying to use magic on you?”

“Nothing!” Jade said quickly, waving her hands quickly in front of her to try and cure her embarrassment. “I just thought it was… subtle! That’s it!”

“Mmm. Which is why you are able to think clearly and unhindered, is it?”

Jade groaned, hiding her face in her hands. “Is that all you wanted to say, Ms. Lalonde?” she asked. “I’ll need time to confirm these documents, but- if they’re real, then I suppose you would be in the clear!”

“I assure you they are. But when you do confirm them? Will I be free of my constant escort?”

“Well… no,” Jade admitted. “If you didn’t do it, then it seems likely that somebody’s out to frame you! So if John’s around, he may be able to pick up on some extra clues, or maybe protect you if something goes wrong.”

“You think somebody is planning to have me killed?” Rose asked, looking incredulous. “Even if that’s true, I’m confident I can take care of myself.”

“It never hurts to have some backup,” Jade reminded her. “But like I said, I will look into your receipts. We just want to be thorough!”

Rose let out a sigh and began digging through her purse. “Well, I suppose I cannot fault you for doing your job,” she said. “And, as I am not the culprit, I truly have nothing to worry about. But, should you need me for any reason at all…” 

She pulled a business card out of her purse and slid it across Jade’s desk. It was artfully designed, and most people would have likely viewed it as a creatively rendered skull, but even so, Jade couldn’t help but recognize the character in the middle.

“Squiddles?”

“Ah. Most people don’t…” Rose cleared her throat. “At any rate. If you need me for any reason at all, please feel free to call. And.” She leaned forward, looking at Jade rather intently. Jade’s heart was kicking into overdrive again. “I do mean _anything_.”

Then she winked and pulled away, and Jade swore for the life of her that she was going to faint. 

“Well, I will keep that in mind!” she said. “Um. And you can call me for anything, too! You already have my number?”

Rose smiled and stood, collecting her things together. “Yes. I do. Now, then, please take care.” With that, she stood, and Jade watched her walk out the door until she was out of sight entirely.

Jade exhaled and slumped back in her chair, pulling at the collar of her shirt. This wasn’t good. She shouldn’t have a crush on a suspect! It was clouding her judgement! Still, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to go on a date with Rose. Would she wear a suit like that, or something more like the evening gown? What sort of places would she go to eat at? What would it be like to hear her sing without the headphones on?

Just as Jade was about to trail off into childish fantasies of holding the siren’s hand, her phone buzzed on the table and she jumped. Guilt puddled in the pit of her stomach as she saw the sender. 

Dave. Dave was also fun to take on dates. But she couldn’t take _both_ of them on dates. Not without upsetting the other one eventually. 

“so hey you free to do anything tomorrow  
theres this cool new movie out and i was thinking maybe we could go see it  
maybe grab dinner after if youre up for that  
so what do you say?”

Jade groaned. She couldn’t take this right now.

“um… maybe some other time!  
unfortunately i am going to be SWAMPED with work tomorrow :(“

“oh  
yeah  
ok  
cool”

Jade’s fingers hovered over her phone keyboard. That definitely read like a rejection, which was the last thing she wanted to give him! He was very cute and sweet, and not at all a suspect for a murder. If she was being honest, it was probably a conflict of interest to even _think_ about pursuing Rose right now. So if she was going to be forced to pick anyways...

“really though! sometime soon!  
i would LOVE to see a movie with you <3  
but maybe….  
thursday again? :o”

“fuck yes  
i mean  
yeah thursdays chill meet at the theater by my place around five?”

“sounds perfect <3”

\-----

The sun had set by the time that John returned from his harpy investigation, his normally unruly hair made even more so by the addition of several feathers. He plopped himself down on the couch in Jade’s office, letting out a loud noise of complaint. Jade bit back a grin, glancing up at him from over the tickets she was examining. 

“Have a rough day?” she asked.

“Ugh. Tell me about it! Did you know that harpies are very territorial? Especially when they have an egg that they are trying to protect?”

Jade bit back a grin - she didn’t think that John would appreciate seeing it very much. “Well, yes! What happened?”

“They sort of attacked me. With talons. You know, Jade, it is very lucky that I am capable of turning into a bat! I might have died otherwise!” 

Jade shook her head, assuring herself that he was probably just overreacting. John was fine, alive, and whole. Well, mostly alive. She had never really figured out just how “undead” a vampire really was.

“Did you manage to get the territory dispute sorted at least?” she asked. “That was the goal, after all!”

“Yeah! I bothered them so much that they decided to move, because their nest was infested by vampires.” He let out a sigh. “God, I’m parched after that, though. Transformation is much more tiring than it looks!”

“Do you need a drink?” Jade asked. “I’m not doing anything right now.”

John perked up at that, his fangs just poking out over his bottom lip. “Oh! Yeah. I mean, if you’re offering.”

“I am!” 

Jade stood up and walked over to the couch, settling herself down next to John. Nowadays, vampires didn’t really need to drink directly from humans - there were blood banks, and some companies were developing and marketing new products directly to vampires, who for the most part were old and gifted with a large disposable income. But evidently, none of those options had quite been able to match the taste of fresh human, which was why vampires could still occasionally be a problem. 

Thankfully, it was possible for vampires to drink from humans without harming them, and Jade was more than happy to let John feed from her on occasion. She brushed all of her hair over to one side of her head, leaving her neck bare for him. It wasn’t long before she felt John’s fingers feeling for her pulse - he hadn’t quite mastered finding her jugular from muscle memory yet, so this was a safer route to make sure he didn’t rip her throat out by accident.

“So what’ve you been up to today?” John asked, just before he leaned in. Jade let out a gasp as she felt his fangs prick her, but something about vampire physiology made sure that the bite was near painless. She could feel a tickling sensation where his teeth were, but no pain.

“Not much,” she said. “I had to stay here while you were out, in case anybody came in.” A pause. She would have to carry on the conversation, as John’s mouth was very much occupied, but Jade also knew that she tended to be a little… too honest when John was taking blood. It felt a little like being drunk at times. Still, the silence pressed in, and so she continued to talk. “Rose came in, actually. She handed me a bunch of documents to prove her innocence. And honestly… I don’t think she did it! I think she is being framed.”

She could feel her thoughts get fuzzier as she lost more blood, and her thoughts took a slightly different turn. “Plus, she’s really pretty! And smart! And I think she asked me out right before she left? And I want to say yes and bring her out to a fancy dinner, but that would be really unprofessional. Not to mention that Dave is also really amazing! In a different way from Rose, but I still really like him…” Jade trailed off, letting out a sigh as she felt John’s mouth leave her neck. 

He stood up and helped her settle back on the couch, propping up a few of the pillows in order to give her some head support. “Well,” he said finally. “It sounds like you have your work cut out for you, Jade! You are the center of a love triangle, sort of. Like Kristen Stewart in those really inaccurate vampire movies.”

John threw a blanket over her and Jade snuggled into it. She would be good to be up and about in less than an hour, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t be comfortable in the mean time. “Yeah, I guess so! But instead of a werewolf and a vampire, it’s a werewolf and a siren?”

John rubbed the back of his neck, absently licking his lips. “Well. I wouldn’t say that.”

“Wouldn’t say what?”

“I mean. It could still be a vampire and a werewolf. And also a siren! But. There could be a vampire, still.”

The realization hit Jade very slowly, the blood not returning to her brain fast enough for her to be as perceptive as usual. “Vampire?” she asked. “But you’re the only vampire I know.”

“Yeah! Haha, that’s funny, isn’t it.” John wasn’t looking at her. Jade frowned up at him, trying to put together the pieces, until everything finally clicked into place.

“Wait, John. You- like me?” Pause. “In more than a friend’s way, I mean.”

“Yeah! But- well, don’t feel obligated or anything? I know that you probably think that I’m incompetent and stuff, especially with this whole vampire thing… And I know what you mean! Rose is really pretty, and really smart. And she probably wouldn’t fuck things up as bad. I like her too. I just thought I should say something.”

“You like her too?” Jade’s eyebrows continued to go up. 

John shrugged it off, like it was nothing, though his eyes were on his feet. “Yeah. I guess I like you more, since I’ve known you longer? But I definitely get what you see in her.”

Jade groaned, sinking down into her pillow tower. As if she needed things to get any more complicated. In fact, the romantic thing was so frustrating to think about that she would much rather focus on the other topic she had been continually avoiding. “I don’t think you’re incompetent, John.”

“What?”

“About the vampire thing, I mean. That was my fault!”

John looked at her as though she had spoken to him in Egyptian hieroglyphics. “What? Jade, in what was was any of that your fault? I’d be dead if it weren’t for you!”

“I underestimated the size of the coven!” she said. “And sent you in there alone.”

“Yeah, but I was the one stupid enough to get caught.”

“Anybody would have! Plus, I was the one who roped you into this stupid business anyways!”

John let out a huff. “Then why have you been keeping me cooped up in here?” he asked. “If you think I’m capable of doing things without royally screwing them up.”

Jade bit her lip. “Because I’m- scared?” Her heart did a skip, as though to punish her for admitting something that personal, that negative. Jade Harley chased down nightmares for a living with flowers in her hair. She couldn’t be scared of anything.

Yet here she was.

“Scared of what?” John asked.

“Losing you. You’re really… important to me. And I got scared when I found you covered in blood. I didn’t know they’d turned you, I thought you were-” She cut off. “I got lucky that time. I just did not want to risk it again!”

“Geez, Jade! And here I thought that _I_ was the stupid one!”

Jade’s mouth dropped open. “What?”

“You can’t just lock people up and hope that they will be safe there! You know that backfires probably 100% of the time in movies.” John had a grin on his face, triumphant at having figured this out. “I’m really flattered that you think I’m that important though.”

“Of course you’re important!” Jade said. “You’re my best friend! I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

“Well, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, either. So neither of us can leave now.”

“John, that’s not-” Jade realized her hypocrisy before she finished her sentence, and she puffed out her cheeks in indignation. John had a point, whether or not she wanted to admit it. 

John laughed and leaned in to kiss her forehead, a motion which brought a little more heat to Jade’s cheeks than she was expecting. “So relax a bit, OK? You can’t be the only one doing all of the risky stuff.”

Jade just managed to give him a smile. “I guess if you insists, I can _try_ letting you do more dangerous things. Just every once in a while!”

“That is the spirit!” John gave her a cheeky grin, and Jade was alarmed to realize that she had never noticed how cute he was before. “Anyways, I need to go and check in on Rose. She probably misses me. Take it easy until your blood is back, OK?”

“OK.”

With that, John grabbed his coat and went out the door, an odd skip in his step. Jade watched him go, a warm feeling in her chest. 

At the very least, that was one issue of guilt dealt with. But now she had a total of three marvelous people to choose from.


	4. Part 4

A week went by in a flash. Jade had finally verified all of Rose’s tickets and receipts, proving her innocence. She and John had tackled a case together, convincing a mermaid in a nearby lake to stop pretending she was the loch ness monster. And finally, her date with Dave had gone fantastically. He had apparently finally learned to control his wolf form, though she hadn’t been able to see it - they both figured that him transforming in the concessions line at the movie theater would make more of a stir than they were willing to deal with.

Today, Jade would be making one more trip to the nightclub, in order to talk with Rose. A big part of it would be confirming her innocence to her face, which might have been unnecessary, but seemed like a common courtesy in Jade’s opinion. (Plus, she thought, any excuse to see Rose’s face was definitely a good one.) She also wanted to ask if Rose had thought of any other people who might have had a reason to frame her, and then ask about John. 

It was the best solution that Jade could think of, for the time being. John liked Rose. If Rose liked him back, then they could get together, and then she could get with Dave, and nobody would be left out of the equation. She couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t ideal - if she was being honest, she wished she could just date all of them. But it wouldn’t be fair to any of them if she cheated on them, and so this was the best she could do. 

She strolled into the club and needed only a brief nod from Snowman to be let into the hallway to Rose’s dressing room again. She had forgone the headphones today - she wouldn’t need them. She trusted Rose not to use magic on her. 

She knocked quickly on the door, but didn’t wait for Rose to respond before she walked in, too excited to speak with her again. In hindsight, this could have been disastrous, had Rose been in the middle of changing or something similarly risque, but it looked as though she was applying makeup instead. She looked at Jade first through her reflection in the mirror, then turned to face her, one cheek currently a slightly different tone from the other.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” she asked. “I’m on in twenty minutes, so I hope you aren’t planning on being here for too long. Not that I would normally wish to avoid your company, of course, but a girl has to make a living.”

“Oh! Well, I just wanted to tell you something. And also ask you something. You can continue putting on makeup, if you want.”

“Go on, then.” Rose turned back to the mirror, continuing to throw on her stage makeup. It was a bit overwhelming up close, meant to be seen from afar, and Jade couldn’t help but think that she preferred the look of the dressed down Rose who had come to her office a week ago. But of course, she was not about to say that to the siren’s face.

“I finally finished confirming all of the documents you gave me,” Jade said. “And it turns out… you are almost definitely innocent!”

“Almost definitely?”

“Well, you could have had an accomplice, or just been responsible for the two murders you don’t have alibis for, but… I don’t think that’s true. I don’t think you had anything to do with these. So I am declaring you innocent!”

Rose tilted her head from side to side, making sure that what she had put on so far looked good. “Well, I’m certainly glad to hear that you think that I’m innocent. But does that necessitate a trip all the way here, to visit me?” She turned back to Jade briefly. “Not that I am displeased to see you, of course. You look lovely as ever. But there’s more to this, isn’t there?”

“Well… I was wondering if you had any enemies. The fact that you got hired just before all of these people died is an awfully big coincidence! To me, it sounds like somebody’s trying to frame you. Did you have to audition here? Is there maybe somebody that you beat out for the job, or an ex who might be out to get you?”

Rose shook her head, returning her focus to the mirror to work on her eye makeup. “No. I was approached for this job directly. There was no auditioning process involved. Ever since sirens have been out in the public eye, we have been in fairly steep demand - I doubt that there are any other sirens who were clamoring for this position. There are plenty of opportunities. As for exes, I don’t have many, and I have parted on good terms with all of them. I can think of nobody who would go as far as to murder six men in order to get back at me.”

Jade tapped her chin, trying to think. “Well… I guess I’ll keep looking. Though I guess I should probably tell Snowman to hire a real private eye if she wants these murders solved! If it’s not you, then my expertise isn’t really needed here.”

“A shame. I’d much prefer you continue on the case - it gives wonderful excuses for you to barge into my dressing room unannounced.” A pause, and again she looked up at Jade’s reflection in the mirror. “That was not sarcasm, by the way. Now, is that all you had to say?”

Jade cleared her throat, shuffling her feet a bit. “Well. I wanted to ask… what you thought of John?”

Rose’s eyebrows raised ever so slightly. “He’s charming, and I’ve enjoyed his company when I’ve opted to have a conversation with him. Why?”

“Well. He likes you.” _And me_ , Jade considered adding, but she didn’t. “And he’s my best friend, and I want to see him happy. So I thought I would just… check.”

Rose hummed, and busied herself with makeup for a good minute before responding. Jade stood there the entire time, fidgeting, not sure what to hope for. She knew that she should be hoping for Rose to say “yes,” so that John would be happy, but a small, selfish part of her wanted Rose to like her instead. 

“I would enjoy getting to know him better,” Rose said finally. “He’s cute, and as another non-human, I think we might have a lot in common. Plus, that smile of his is nothing short of adorable.” She turned to Jade then, gaze intense. “But, if I may be blunt, I am more interested in you. And, to be even more blunt, I believe you’re interested in me as well. So I fail to see why you’re setting me up with your partner, unless you are hoping for a threesome.”

“A- what?” Jade’s heart skipped a beat, and for just the briefest moment, she had the image of her, John, and Rose, all together, kissing- but that still wouldn’t be fair to Dave, would it? “No, nothing like that, it’s- just kind of complicated?” 

Rose’s lips tugged into a brief frown before she turned back to the mirror. “Well. I will think on it. In the meantime, you should probably leave, unless you want to join in on the slobbering masses listening to me sing. But I do expect to hear from you again.”

“Yes! Of course! I will talk to you soon, Rose.” Jade offered her a cheery smile before she walked out the door, heading down the hallway. As she walked, she forced herself to think about the case rather than the possibility of dating Rose, because it was much easier to think about. 

Rose hadn’t done it, but the murders still seemed likely tied to her, given the coincidence. But there were no exes angry enough to murder for her. No enemies, because Rose had been offered the job directly…

Jade stopped in her tracks, the pieces suddenly slotting into place. The murders all happened right after Rose had gotten the job, like the murderer had been waiting for Rose to be there to start killing. The murderer would need to know the men who needed to be murdered ahead of time, meaning that whoever did it must have known that Rose was getting the job…

No. No, that wasn’t right. That was too much of a coincidence. Jade started walking quickly, knowing where she needed to go, her heart racing. Rose was being framed, but not because she was Rose. It was because she was a siren, and people were still quick to accuse supernaturals of crimes. The crimes had been planned before Rose was even in the picture - she had been hired to take the blame. And if that were the case…

Jade stopped right in front of Snowman’s office. There was nobody else who could have done this. A huge grin crossed her face - she had done it! She had solved her first ever murder mystery, and she was about to stop the culprit right in her tracks!

Jade could feel her heart beating as she reached up to knock on the door, though she found it was already cracked open. She took that as an invitation to step inside, doing her best to tamp down on her excitement. Snowman was sitting at her desk, taking a drag from a cigarette. She didn’t look up as Jade entered.

“Close the door, would you?” she asked. “The room is soundproof, and the performance starts soon.”

“Of course.” Jade turned and shut the door behind her without thinking. 

“Now, what do you want to talk about? Have you finally found enough evidence to convict Lalonde?” Snowman put out her cigarette in the ashtray, leaning back in her chair. 

“No, actually!” Jade said, straightening her back and looking the other woman dead in the eyes. “I proved her innocence - but I do think that I know who did it!”

“Oh, really?” A smirk crossed Snowman’s face. “And who might that be?”

Jade took a deep breath, prepared to make her crowning accusation. “You! You hired Rose so that she could take the blame. You were probably planning on killing those men from the start!” Jade’s fists were clenched at her side, mostly so that she didn’t show too much excitement. It was her first chance to accuse somebody of murder! It was very exciting!

“Hm. And do you have any proof?”

Oh. “No, but I bet it will be easy to find, now that I’m looking!”

Snowman shrugged. “I suppose you have a point. I was a little sloppy with those murders. I was in a rush.” Jade’s heart jumped in her chest - so she admitted it! “So I suppose I will have to be a little more crafty with yours. I have a few of Lalonde’s hairs - it should be no trouble planting them on you, and planting a murder weapon in her dressing room should be no trouble. I should have done this from the start, but I suppose I assumed you would be walking in with a prejudice to accuse her, possibly even kill her.”

Suddenly Jade wasn’t feeling all that excited anymore, and she felt her stomach sinking as she realized what a dangerous situation she had walked into, blinded by her own confidence. Every bone in her body was shouting at her to leave, but she found herself frozen firmly in place. 

Snowman stood and walked over to Jade, lightly tapping her cheek to prove to Jade that she had lost power over her own body. “Of course, you’ll turn out to be useful in other ways. Lucky me, that you should happen to forget those headphones of yours today.”

Jade’s blood ran cold. Rose may not have had charm speak, but there were plenty of other creatures that did. “Succubus?” 

Snowman smiled. “Very perceptive. But I’m afraid we’re running out of time to talk - I’ll need to do away with you before Lalonde’s set ends. Now. Sleep.”

Jade’s eyes shut against her will, and she was unconscious before she hit the floor.

\----

Jade woke up, which was as much a surprise as anything - based on the conversation with Snowman, she had been expecting a rather swift death. Then again, Snowman had mentioned that her death would need to be carefully crafted to lay blame directly on Rose. Likely, she’d have to make sure the time of death would be for a time Rose would have no alibi - meaning that Jade had gotten lucky. For now.

She groaned and tried to stretch, but found herself tied to a chair, all of her limbs incapacitated, a strip of fabric gagging her. She tried each limb individually, tugging and struggling to pull them out of the ropes, but the knots held. Whoever had tied her up knew exactly what they were doing. Jade let out an irritated sigh and leaned back against the chair, hearing it creak under her weight. She couldn’t believe she had been so stupid! Going to confront somebody she knew was a murderer, unarmed and unprepared? She was honestly ashamed of herself.

Jade cast a look around the room. It was dim, but she could make out some basic features - concrete ceiling and floor, shelves lined with barrels. It looked like a wine cellar, which meant that she was probably still somewhere at the nightclub. She wondered how long she had been out - had Rose gone home for the night yet? Would John realize she was missing? It was possible he might make the connection and come look for her, but Jade wasn’t about to count on that. She’d have to save herself.

She leaned as far forward as the chair would allow, which wasn’t much, much she could hear it creaking again. Her eyes lit up. The rope and knots might have been strong, but that didn’t mean the chair itself was. She rocked her body to one side, then to the other, causing the chair to wobble. It was slow going, getting the proper momentum, but soon enough the chair legs were lifting off the ground just barely, and finally-

CRACK!

There was a brief moment where Jade feared the noise had come from one of her bones rather than the chair, but she soon lifted up her right arm - the arm rest had come free of the chair, giving her one free hand. Thankfully, that was all she needed. 

Jade clumsily undid the knot tying her left arm to the still-attached armrest, then used that hand to free her right arm from the armrest entirely. The gag came off next, tossed to the ground with a look of distaste. She couldn’t lean down far enough to undo her legs just yet, so she spent a few minutes struggling to reach behind her to undo the knot that kept her waist pinned to the back of the chair. It was tricky, doing this when she couldn’t even see what was happening, but thankfully, it wasn’t too complicated a knot. Picking at it with her nails for long enough was good enough to make sure that it came loose, and from there, she could finally get to her legs. 

Jade stood, finally freed, and brushed herself off. Her right side hurt, but it didn’t feel like she had broken anything in the fall, and a few bruises were more than worth the cost of her life. 

From there it was only a short walk to the door, which was… definitely locked from the outside. “God _dammit_!” Jade kicked the door, not particularly caring who heard her. If Snowman showed up again, she would plug her damn ears herself. 

Thankfully, the door did not seem particularly high security - the building was older, likely to try and cultivate the sophisticated atmosphere that the club prided itself on. If Jade had been thinking things through, she might have been able to use the alcohol in the room to create some sort of chemical reaction that might blow the door off its hinges, or she could have attempted to pick the lock from her side.

But right now, she didn’t want to think things through. She just wanted to get out of here. And so she kept kicking, throwing as much force into it as possible. A second kick didn’t do it. “Fuck you!!” she screamed. “I am not.” Kick. “Going to.” Another kick. “Die here! Ugh, just open already, you fuckwad!”

One more foot to the door, and she heard it crack open. Jade threw her arms up and let out a cheer, unable to help herself. But honestly, there wasn’t much use in being quiet - if anybody had heard her cheering, they would have already heard her yelling at the door. For now, her best bet was just to muscle through and hope she could make it back to her car. 

She poked her head out of the room, looking up and down the hallway. One end lead to a couple more rooms and a dead end, and the other led to what looked like a set of stairs. That made her next choice easy, at least. 

Jade turned left and jogged for the stairs. She glanced to every door she passed, expecting someone to pop out of it, but she made it to the stairs with no trouble at all. It seemed too convenient - too easy - and so she slowed as she reached the top of the stairs. There was a small, semi-opaque window at the door there, and through there, she could make out the shadowy figure of someone guarding the door. She slowed down and crept up the stairs slowly, not wanting to give herself away. 

She stopped at the top step, sliding to the side so that she couldn’t be easily seen from the other side. The other person looked taller, and was quite likely an armed bouncer, but Jade had the element of surprise. She wasn’t planning on wasting it.

She prepared herself, bracing her muscles like a coiled spring. Then, in one fluid motion, she flung open the door and swept her leg out to trip the man standing guard. Sure enough, she recognized him as one of the bouncers from the club, and he fell to the ground hard. She kicked him upside the head once he was down, not intending to show mercy. His body fell limp - she assumed he was unconscious rather than dead, but Jade didn’t pause to check. 

She looked up and took in her surroundings. As she thought, she was still at the nightclub, behind the bar. It was clearly closed for the night, however - only one person sat at any of the tables, and the minute Jade saw her, she clapped her hands over her ears. Snowman.

The other woman stood up, turning to face Jade, and Jade pointedly refused to grant her eye contact. Most of charm speak was in the voice, but looking somebody directly in the eyes was a sure way to make sure they fell even quickly. 

“You turned out to be more trouble than I expected,” Snowman said, and Jade was just barely able to make it out through her hands. 

“I can’t hear you!” she shouted back. “And I am not going to let you frame Rose!” She glanced to the side - Snowman wasn’t directly blocking her exit yet. If she could just move fast enough, she could definitely make a break for it…

“Don’t lie, Ms. Harley. We both know your hands aren’t good enough to block out magic.” Snowman crossed her arms, a motion Jade just caught out of her peripheral vision. She began slowly shuffling out from behind the bar. Whether or not her hands were good enough, she was still in control of her own actions. That was enough.

She acted as though she hadn’t heard the other woman, continuing to walk. She was out from behind the bar now, and had a clear shot of the door. Her heart kicked up a notch, and she was just about to start running when she heard it.

“Stop.”

Jade didn’t freeze, not like last time, but it felt like she was suddenly trying to run through quicksand. The fastest she could go was the approximate pace of a snail - not an ideal speed for escaping. 

“Well,” Snowman said. “It seems your hands offer you some protection after all. But I am afraid that they aren’t going to help you stop a bullet.”

Jade’s eyes widened as she looked over. Sure enough, Snowman was holding a pistol, pointed straight at her. 

“They’ll find this gun in Lalonde’s dressing room, naturally. It was a pleasure knowing you.”

Jade closed her eyes tight, hoping the lack of sight would be enough to get her to move fast enough to avoid the bullet. If nothing else, at least she wouldn’t have to see her own death - her own failure - coming at her faster than the speed of sound.

Jade heard the gun fire. 

But she also heard a lot of other things, such as a door bursting open, Snowman screaming, and most surprisingly, a wolf howling. More importantly, she didn’t feel a bullet going through her head or chest, and so she deemed it safe to open her eyes. 

The first thing she noticed was a werewolf who had pinned Snowman to the ground, snarling at her. The second thing she noticed was that the werewolf was not alone. Standing in the broken doorway were John and Rose, the former with the magic-blocking headphones, the latter with her arms crossed as though she were about to tell off a class of kindergarteners. 

Jade turned back to the wolf, her face breaking out into a smile when she realized who it was. “Dave! And it’s not even the full moon! I’m so proud of you!” 

The werewolf let out a huff as he sat down on top of Snowman, ensuring she couldn’t move and, likely, had trouble breathing, with her face practically being smothered under his thick fur. Jade didn’t feel a whole lot of sympathy for her. 

John rushed over to where Jade was standing, looking her up and down. “Holy shit, Jade, are you OK? She was about to kill you!”

Jade just laughed and trapped him in a bear hug, too happy to be alive to care about who she was or was not supposed to be showing affection to. “She was! But you guys came to my rescue! All three of you!” She pulled away and looked between them, heart bursting with how wonderful it was to have all three of them in the same place. Something about it just felt right. “But… how did you know to come and find me?”

John scratched the back of his head. “Well, Rose called me after she got off of work, asking if you had gone back to the office yet. I said no, and that I thought that you were with her, and she said that you weren’t. She found your car in the parking lot and thought that you were probably still here, but we needed somebody to get past the bouncers…”

“John mentioned you had been seeing a werewolf,” Rose continued. She was standing in front of Snowman now, looking down at her boss with disdain. “I thought he might make up for the brute force that both of us lack. Thankfully, he was awake at this hour and willing to help.”

Dave let out a snort, his ears twitching. Jade giggled. 

“Well… I am really glad to see all of you!”

“We’re just glad that you’re alright!” John said. “God, Jade. And you thought the vampire thing was scary? She had a _gun_!”

Jade rolled her eyes. “Yes, John, guns are much more terrifying than like fifteen bloodthirsty vampires.”

“I am a bloodthirsty vampire and you do not seem scared of me.”

“That is because you are just one vampire!” Jade nudged him lightly in the side. John laughed and nudged her back. Dave let out a disgruntled woof from where he had Snowman trapped, however, and Jade turned her focus back to him. “So what are we going to do with her now?”

“I’m tempted to say we kill her and leave her here,” Rose said, voice sharp. “But then I suppose that would not much us much better than she.”

“Yeah. I am definitely for not killing her,” John agreed. Dave barked in approval.

“We could call the cops up, I guess.” Jade shrugged. “And make sure that she stays gagged so she can’t sweet talk them.”

Rose let out a put-upon sigh. “I guess that _is_ the best course of action. John, could you make the call?” John nodded and pulled out his cell phone, walking outside to get a better signal. Rose continued to look down at her boss, expression pensive. “The club will close down without her here. I suspect I’m about to be out a job. What a pity.”

Jade didn’t even need a moment to think. “Come work for us, then! We could use somebody with a magical voice on the team. Besides, you probably have some important insight into what it’s like to be a supernatural being…”

Rose smiled. “I’ll have to think about the offer,” she said. “But I suspect my answer will be yes.”

It was another few minutes of waiting around for the police to arrive, and a lot more minutes of explaining what had happened, and why there was a giant wolf sitting on top of the woman who ran the nightclub. Snowman was gagged and taken into custody without much of a fuss, and Jade and Rose were asked to be on call as witnesses in an eventual trial. But finally, they were free to go. 

Somehow, all of them understood that they would be best off heading back to the office. Dave shifted back into his human form and put on a spare set of clothing that they’d packed in John’s car, but he opted to ride along with Jade, regaling her with exaggerated details of his heroism, and how his fuzzy ass definitely saved the day.

Soon enough, they were all seated in her office. Jade slumped into her chair while John and Rose took the couch, Rose throwing her legs over John’s lap, and Dave took the chair where clients usually sat. There was a moment of silence, more relieved than awkward. It was nearing six in the morning, which was late even for Jade. 

Rose was not about to let it last, however. “Jade. The three of us had a rather… enlightening discussion on the car ride over,” she said. “Concerning your feelings, and ours.”

Jade started fidgeting in her seat. Somehow, this seemed even more stressful than being tied to the chair. “Yeah? What did you talk about?”

“Well. You like me. And you like Dave. And John. And all of us like you back. Not so much of a love triangle as a love square. Which would explain why you were pushing me to date John, of course, so that we could pair of cleanly.” She raised her eyebrows. “Am I wrong?”

Jade chewed on her lip. “No, you’re right.”

“Well, then, I have a proposition for you. And mind, all of us agreed we were alright with this.” Rose straightened up, poising herself. “Date all of us.”

Jade stared at her. “What?”

“You heard me. Date all of us. I understand you have a busy schedule, but all of us would be willing to settle for fewer dates to no dates at all. It’s quite simple.”

“But…” Jade narrowed her eyes, not sure about this. “Wouldn’t that be cheating on you?”

Rose let out a huge _sigh_ , and Jade could not help but feel as though she has said something stupid. “Only if you did it behind our backs, which you are not,” Rose explained. “Have you never heard of polyamory?”

“Isn’t that just… threesomes and stuff?”

“Or foursomes.”

Jade frowned, folding her arms across her chest. “Isn’t that kind of… I don’t know, being greedy? And wouldn’t it be very complicated?”

“It would. But I, for one, think it is worth facing the complications. I like you, and I have no qualms about sharing your time. Especially not with John, who I also like, or Dave, who I hardly know, but would be happy to become better acquainted with. Would you be interested?”

Jade sat back in her chair. The idea was appealing of course - getting to see all of them, not letting anybody down by choosing somebody else over them… But she had to be sure. She looked to both John and Dave, who had been rather quiet up until now. “And both of you are fine with it?” she asked. “Like, one hundred percent?”

Dave shrugged. “Sure. Plus, this way now you’ve got someone to mack on when my thesis starts to eat me alive.”

“I am definitely sure,” John added. “One hundred and ten percent sure, even!”

Rose looked at her expectantly, only the slight quiver of her hands giving away her nervousness. “So? What do you say? Would you like to give it a shot?”

Jade couldn’t help but grin, her heart close to bursting with joy. Tonight had brought her near death, sure, but she had also caught the bad guy, and now she was surrounded by the three most amazing people on the planet.

“Absolutely!”

**Author's Note:**

> Whoo! This is definitely the longest fill I've ever done for a fest like this. And honestly, I'd really love to play a bit more with this AU - but for now, the start of their relationship is as much story as I have time to write.


End file.
